Monday, February 10, 2014
Consumed By Doubt
"NO. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. FORGET IT." This is doubt (the thing I'm exploring this week). I wondered if these doubting thoughts about what to draw or do, affect the larger ME. Do they teach me I am not good enough? that what I do, think, feel isn't right, or good. that I am all wrong? By focusing on doubt, I give it my attention. I stop making it wrong. I accept it as energy, interesting, alive stuff. (I'm thinking this kind of acceptance translates into me seeing myself as interesting, alive stuff). Doubt causes me a lot of suffering. And I also see that putting it on paper, I can make art out of it. My curiosity about it opens my heart, and my mind. I'm feeling a little bit kinder and softer about this part of me. Kind of magical. I love seeing what's really going on in my mind. It's funny.
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The animation captures those judgmental thoughts that fly through the mind so quickly. These thoughts affect my life and most of the time I am not even aware that they are in my mind and are a cause of suffering. It's so good, as you say, to put it on paper where these thoughts can be SEEN. Thank you for making the connection between doubt and judgment. I find that helpful.
ReplyDeleteI've always thought of you as interesting alive stuff, Deb. What a great sentence! I find it not always interesting to listen to the not good enough voices that rattle around with loud pronouncements and righteous judgements. I love that you remind me to pay attention with your art.
ReplyDeleteAn interesting part of this, for me, is how the words come fast, in clusters and overlap each other....just like in my head. I can feel the stress when I look at it.
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